| Ordering Payment Method We accept the following Credit Cards VISA, MASTERCARD, AMERICAN EXPRESS and PAYPAL. If you're still scared to use a credit card online, you may place a snail mail order per the instruction in #5 HERE; but you should know that by now we've used a secret encryption software we planted in your computer to scan the retinas of your eyes via your computer monitor (by reversing the coding to make it an optical receiver, much like plugging a head phone into a microphone jack and talking into it) and successfully read your mind. Our specially designed computer data retrieval system will sort through all the porn and naughty thoughts in your head and quickly pull all pertinent bank account information and wire it to an offshore account we use to overthrow foreign governments. Thank you for reading this far, without doing so we could've never actually read your mind. How to place your order To place an order, just click the thumbnail of the Design, this will take you to the Product Selection page. Select a Product from those available per that design. Choose a color and then choose the size. Click the Buy Now button, and then enter all shipping and payment information via the cart, just like you do when you buy porn. NOTE: All prices on this site are listed in U.S. Dollars, we would show them in other currencies to make it easier on customers in foreign nations but we don't want to break the American tradition of being arrogant self-centered fucks. To receive correct conversion rates contact your local bank, unless you live in Afghanistan in which case just use the following fail safe calculation: One Goat = 10 U.S. Dollars, 2 Ducks = One Goat, 5 Women = 2 Ducks. I can't Get the FUCKING THING TO ORDER! First of all, nice choice of words, very authoritative. Before contacting us please try the following: 1.) Be sure you've entered all information required by the shopping cart. 2.) Make sure you entered the exact billing address of the card holder (which should be you, but lets be honest, it probably isn't). 3.) Make sure you entered the security code for the credit card. If you don't know what this is click HERE 4.) Try restarting your computer. More than likely the problem isn't our wonderful site, but is in fact that box of shit you've had since '93. 5.) Order via mail by sending a Money Order or Cashier's Check, no personal checks. (U.S. and Canada only) to our manufacturing facility: c/o Offline Orders P.O. Box 359 Granite Quarry, NC 28072   If none of the solutions above works, Contact Us |
| Wholesale Orders For Wholesale and other Large Volume Orders Please contact our wholesale department for pricing HERE NOTE: If you are attempting to place a wholesale order for a quantity less than 150, we suggest you use our site to order 149 and pay the same price every one else does. Oh we would also appreciate it if you told yourself to fuck off and saved us the trouble. |
| Gift Certificates Yeah, we got these. They are in the Specials Category. Select however little you want to spend on the love of your life or any other fucker that's guilt-tripped you into buying them something, and choose to either have it sent to them via email or choose to print that bad boy out yourself, fill it out, and then wipe your ass with it before you give it to them. Complete Idiot-Friendly Instructions on how to redeem Gift Certificates will be included with the Certificate. |
| Catalogs We do not currently offer a snail-mail catalog, however wholesale pricing is available for any design(s) listed on the site. To receive this information please contact our wholesale department HERE. NOTE: Requests for pricing on orders of less than 150 will be promptly laughed at and then immediately forgotten. |
| Shipping Shipping Info Due to our massive quantity of designs and products, and the fact that sweat shops are illegal, Shipping within the U.S. takes between 8 and 15 business days and an additional 7 to 10 days Internationally. Shipping and Handling Rates U.S.A. S & H is $5.95 for the first product and $1.00 for each additional product. Shipping and Handling Rates the U.K., Canada and other fine countries. S & H cost varies per your zone in the USPS Letter Post zoning chart and the total weight of the order and how far your zone is from our manufacturing facility in North Carolina, U.S.A. CLICK HERE FOR A LIST OF COUNTRIES WE SHIP TO Calculating S & H Cost S & H is calculated via the shopping cart. Before you enter your credit card information you will see the total cost of merchandise and S & H combined. ALL PRICES IN US DOLLARS. Click here for more on why. Overnight and Rush Delivery We do not offer Overnight or Rush Shipping. Orders from this week are printed and shipped out the following week. We do not keep inventory and print to order. Countries We Ship To Click here for a complete listing |
| Returns and Exchanges Return Policy If you are unsatisfied with any order you may return or exchange any item (minus Shipping and Handling) within 30 days of your order. After 30 days we will assume you are fully satisfied just like the little sailor whore you are. Return and Exchange Procedure When returning an item for a refund, please include the Order # on a note inside the packaging along with purchasers name, address, telephone number, and email address. If you do not know your Order # please CONTACT US with your name, address and email and we will retrieve it for you. We REQUIRE the Order # to process any refund. Please make sure you follow all return/exchange procedures as listed in your invoice. Once your return is processed you will be refunded in the same manner you originally purchased. (i.e if you paid via Money Order, you will receive a Money Order for the refunded amount). Exchanges When exchanging an item please make sure you follow all return/exchange procedures as listed in your invoice. Please enclose a detailed sheet with your Order #, Name, Address, Telephone number, email address, and instructions for what you are wanting to exchange. Please include what product, style, size, and color you want. When returning multiple items please include detailed instructions per the aforementioned for each item. Otherwise you are fucked. If you are upgrading an exchange please be sure to include any additional amount. Consult the online shopping cart of the item you wish to receive in exchange to calculate this difference. You will also need to include a check or money order for $5.95 for one product and $1.00 for each additional product. For International Exchanges (outside the U.S.) in addition to the information required for Domestic Exchanges, please include the credit card number you used to place the original order and we will charge you shipping based on order weight once we process and send your order. Where to send a return/exchange Send any returns/exchanges to our manufacturing facility via: c/o Returns and Exchanges Department P.O. Box 539 Granite Quarry, NC 28072 |
| Privacy Policy Any and all information collected from you including, but not limited to, name, email address and phone number, are strictly for OUR records for the payment/shipping/and confirmation process. We DO NOT, sell, lease, give, or exchange any of your information with anyone else. The privacy of your information is our utmost priority and we guarantee it. (Cause we hate those fucking spammer douches too) |
| Miscellaneous Link to us You wanna link to us huh? Well, we're fucking flattered. No really, we're rubbin' one out right now just thinking about it! Please take a moment and check out our Links Page to use one of these on your site. Affiliate Program Our Affiliate Program is currently in development. In the mean time, feel free to link to us using any of the links found HERE. Newsletter Sign UP Sign Up for the Xratedshirts.com Newsletter and receive special discounts, members only limited edition designs, and other random little pieces of filth from the kids here at Xratedshirts.com Submit to Us We work with several Artists and Comedians to try and bring you the filthiest and most original designs out there. If you have an idea that you think lives up to our high standard of low brow, then email us via DesignSubmissions@xratedshirts.com NOTE: DO NOT ATTACH ANY IMAGES OF THE DESIGN. Just tell us you want to submit a design, we will send you a link to a release form along with further instructions. Jobs@Xratedshirts.com We are always seeking talented writers and artists, you can send us a link to your portfolio via Jobs@xratedshirts.com Please DO NOT send anything other than your name, contact info and a link, or your request will be ignored. Review the information on our XRS TEAM PAGE before contacting us. Comedian Section!?! How the fuck do I get in on that? I bet you'd like to know! It's really simple. If you're a touring comedian, CONTACT US and send us a link to your website as well as any references we would know; and we will get back to you. Review the information on our XRS TEAM PAGE before contacting us/ Xratedshirts.com Live Events That's right bitches, we roll like that. Info regarding everything from how to become a sponsor to directions to a show can be found through this most glorious page: THE EVENTS PAGE FUCKERS! Current Event Schedule is ON THIS PAGE FUCKERS! I don't get the joke That's really really sad... If you have truley been offended by anything you found on this site, please take a moment and fill out our complaint form found HERE |
| Contact Us Before you waste our valuable time with some dumb-shit questions please review our FAQ. If you have reviewed the FAQ (and I mean actually have, cause we will ask your ass questions to fucking prove it) and your question has yet to be answered please follow directions below. First take off your pants. Then, proceed. 1.) If you are contacting us in regards to an order please tell us your Full Name as it appears on the Invoice, the complete address and the Order #. 2.) For those searching for more information, you may contact us HERE. 3.) If you want to praise us, and build a statue in our likeness and all that Nebbacanezer type shit contact us HERE 4.) If you think we are absolutely despicable, we agree. No need to contact us about that one. But if you still want to, we suggest trying HERE |
| This site is operated by stand up comedians and comedy writers who could care less if they offend you, your family, or any organization you may be a member of or swindle money from. |
| Copyright 2004-2005 XR Shirts, LLC All rights reserved |